Monday, 2 April 2007

Plastic world

Like the contents of my handbag, I don’t know why it’s there.

People ask me where I’m heading and I just answer « anywhere ». I don’t mean to be this vague, it just happens that I am. No-one asked me to elaborate, I just shrug my shoulders and be. And like the stories that just happened, no-one thought of, no-one planned, I could have ruled, I could have conquered, then I could have been a woman.

Alone. Half hour is seven hours, one day is several months, a month is a calendar and a year can be a decade spent. Alone.

I know « hello » in eighteen languages, « I love you » just in one. By the time I’m got my phrase-book, the chance is usually gone. And I feel myself quite prepared, but quite prepared for what. I always took the lead before I actually knew the plot. Make up shoulders burden, but the smile never lies. So empty at the airport. You don’t set off the doors. I used to feel like a chorus girl and now I feel like a whore. Hearts built like reservoirs, words built like dams, throughts built like juggernauts, our actions built like prams. And when the wind blows into my face, I should be warmer and not colder.

I only smoke when bored, so I do two packs a day. And I’ve lost the difference between bored and lonely anyway.

And the women tug their hair, like they’re trying to prove it won’t fall out. The whole place is pickled, the people are pickled for sure, and no-one knows if they’ve done more here than they ever would do in a jar. This could be Brussels or Spain, Italy or Germany, ‘cause loneliness is anywhere. And everyone is blonde, and everyone is beautiful. And when blonde and beautiful are multiple, they become so dull and dutiful.

Have fun. And if you can’t have fun, have someone else’s fun, ‘cause someone sure had mine.

Take care. And if you couldn’t care, take someone else’s care, ‘cause someone took my care.

Imagine a mirror. Bigger than the room it was placed in. Imagine my wish for a future that cannot hold my wish. Imagine the want to hold a rod that cannot hold the fish.

Imagine loneliness.

It makes you think it’s a plastic world. A plastic world where we’re all plastic too.